Apparently that Dorm Daze one-sheet we posted on March 20th wasn’t quite the bottom of the barrel. Turns out it was preceded by this teaser poster… that is, if a poster that actually blows can still be considered a teaser.
“The Key Art Awards will continue to acknowledge excellence in the creative art of movie marketing and serve as the environment for nurturing and serving the extraordinary creative community that creates it.” So says Tony L. Uphoff, publisher of The Ultra-Fabulous Hollywood Reporter.
We were so hoping that Tony (yes, we call him Tony, in that chummy, clubby sort of way we call our gardener and our housekeeper by their first names, too.) would tell us more about this year’s two new categories: Most Condensed Billing Block and Biggest Snit Thrown By A High-Strung Creative Type.
Adding new and exciting categories each year is a Hollywood Reporter tradition. It not only insures that the Ultra-Fabulous Key Art Awards Ball will be a long, butt-numbing event, but, at $225 per entry, it enriches our “extraordinary creative community” as well… just like this “nurturing environment” would surely enrich our souls, if we had any.
If you’re like us, you’ve always been a keen admirer of the sheer pomposity of this week’s Mystery Agency. So it hardly came as a surprise when we clicked on “ABOUT US” on their site and found they had gone like totally globular in their strategic thinking.
See if you guess the source of this Mystery Mission Statement:
(Our) signature is a blend of established experience and cutting edge creative – (our signature blend is also available in decaf) offering a wide range of work in every film genre.(comedy: white background; drama: dark background)We provide our clients with strategic thinking and a unique knowledge of global needs that create a clear advantage for campaigns as they travel from their theatrical debut into subsequent windows of release. (right down to their final resting place in the $7.99 DVD bin on aisle three at Rite-Aid.)
The gala 37th Annual Hollywood Report Key Art Awards Ball is just months away and I need something fabulous to wear. Can you recommend an ensemble that embraces the self-aggrandizing exhilaration of this occasion?
Lost in Los Angeles
You’ve obviously confused us with The Manolo’s Shoe Blog. (Judging by your ineptitude and your incertitude we would guess you’re an art director, so be sure to ask an intern to help you with the link.)
... a vending machine out in front of Albertsons. That's right. In an effort to avoid a pack of Girl Scouts trafficking cookies, we did an end run around the grocery carts and stumbled upon this monstrosity: a Redbox DVD-rental kiosk.
Waaah! All those long nights and weekends of toil and anguish, bringing our precious magnum opus to finish only to have it end not with a bang, but a whimper.