Dear Edwina,
How about a post of Classic Client Quotes? My favorites being:
"You have no instinct for this business"
"______, you're a fucking idiot!"
"You're not paid to think"
“Did you take a stupid pill?”
"Can you make it a bluer blue? A lighter, more reflex-y, Navy kind of sky blue?”
“I love it! I fuckin’ love it! But we’ll have to change it.”
We noticed that one of our readers by the name of Duh has posted a this invitation to calumny in our comments section:
Our answer is a resounding Yes! Once more away from the breach, dear friends, once more.
We make a half-assed attempt to keep personal attacks at a minimum and ask that our readers do the same... no matter how deserving the alleged perpetrator may be.
If
you’re like us, you never cease to be amused at how capriciously the fates can
impart potency to any bullying goon or braying jackass in this business.
Not so
amusing is having to deal with these demoralizing despots once they assume a position of power... watching
an alpha male display his virility as he lumbers around his office, thumping his
chest and overturning furniture, or having one of your Fome-Core-mounted comps
flung at you at high velocity by a shrieking executrix can dampen even
the heartiest spirit.
Which
brings us to this perfectly dreadful tale sent in by one of our readers:
Dear Edwina,
I don’t know if you publish non-fiction, but this is a true story I heard from an AE I worked with at --------. This AE had gone to show some revised comps to a client - a real asshole of a veep at one of the studios. The AE arrives at the office just as the veep’s Big Boss walks in. The Big Boss ignores the AE and the veep’s assistant and storms directly into the veep’s office and proceeds to rip the veep a new one at full volume.
The Big Boss goes into a screaming blowout - firing a shitload of
insults and f-bombs at the veep so loud you can hear it in the outer office.
After about 10 minutes of this, the AE realizes there’s no way she can face her
client after this semi-public humiliation so she leaves the comps with the
assistant, asking her to tell the veep that a messenger dropped them off and
she tiptoes out the door.
The AE goes back to her office and calls the veep and trying to
sound all casual, she asks if he received the revisions.
The
veep asks why she sent them by messenger instead of bringing them over herself and, before the AE can make up an excuse, the veep starts screaming - firing a shitload of insults and f-bombs at her.
Signed, Trickle Down Theory
In Action
Click on image to enlarge.
Click on image to enlarge.
If you’re like us, you know there's nothing more bloggyful or more streeter than when a marketeer gets down with his bad self. Which is why we nearly swooned while reading The Cobra: Inside A Movie Marketer’s Playbook, The New Yorker’s profile on Lionsgate’s Tim Palen.
Choose from our huge selection of two Client Fancy magnets available now at ye olde MonKeyArtAwards Gift Shoppe.
Client Fancy: the magazine that promotes responsible AE debasement.
If you’re like us, you have found yourself flummoxed on more than one occasion by what we call The Riddle of The Golden Turd.
Click image for a larger view.
There’s only one thing more satisfying than seeing a beloved colleague perp-walked out the door, clutching their pathetic little bankers’ box filled with mementos and stolen Sharpies… and that’s hearing about a unbeloved client getting thrown out on his or hers or someone else’s buttocks.
And they’d none of them be missed.
There’s the client who bellows,
With enthusiastic tone,
“That was MY idea!”
Claiming every concept as his own.
And you-now-who at you-know where,
Who always reeks of Cheez-It;
Who never knows what she wants
And doesn't know it when she sees it.
I don’t think they would be missed
I’m sure they’d not be missed.
